Stress and release of stress

I am soooooo sorry for the lack of posts. This blog is literally going to be about why I haven't been blogging and that is because: Year 10 is extremely stressful (haven't anxiety doesn't help sight hat either).

So, as you probably know, year 10 is the second to last year of secondary school, and in year 10 you do practise GCSE exams and mocks. Recently I've done a lot of exams - for all of my lessons - and the revising is so over the top my stress levels have reached the maximum. 

I've had breakdowns, panic attacks, and my anxiety has hit the roof on multiple occasions, also my minor depression has kicked in a lot more frequently now too.

But there's a good side to this. Although the stress is extreme and drives me insane because o can't sleep at night, I'm doing this to help me. To help my future and my chances of doing better.

For those who don't know, I used to want to be a vet, then a chef, and now I want to be a full time YouTuber. I have my own channel now and I love doing it so much. YouTube honestly relieves my stress because I'm doing something I love. I'm recording a video where I am confident and do the thing I enjoy: hair, make up, and just random challenges with my family and friends. 

So although the stress is very high, I have the things that a positive, and I'm sure everyone of you guys and girls do too. 

Some people have different ways of relieving stress and mine is watching and recording for and on YouTube.

Some people enjoy going out for walks, looking after pets, meeting their friends, and lots of other things to help their stress levels decrease.

School is generally quite a emotionally and mentally challenging environment and for those who say "I hate school" or "I wish I never had to go to school" (and I'm not going to lie; I say it to), we have to look at the positive sides of school:

Our future will be improved,

Our knowledge will be good,

Our learning ability will be high,

Our social and communication skills will be really great.

And lots more.

As a person who suffers from social anxiety, I do find school a challenge. I find it difficult to communicate to new people and I stay very distant from a lot of people. I even sometimes excluded myself from my friendship group. But that's why I have my backups: my blog and my YouTube channels. 

What relieves stress for you? Let me know in the comments because I'd love to hear about it.

Ayshee 

xx

Autumn is officially here!!

I'd like to apologise for the lack of posts, I've been so busy with course work and homework as a year 10, and it's been very stressful, so, I'm sorry, but let's get on with the blog.

Autumn is now here! 

It officially turned Autumn last week(ish) and the trees have already started losing their leaves and changing colour, and I'm soooo excited.

When it starts getting more Autumny and the trees lose a lot of leaves, me and my friend are going to a lake around the local area and lots of photos will be taken and posted on my blog. 

Every now and again, I might take some random photos on my phone and stuff, just to post on my blog. And since Autumn is the prettiest month of the year (in my opinion), constant amazing photo opportunities pop up everywhere, so it's so handy having a good phone that takes great photos. 

Although this is a short blog, I just wanted to let you know, that there will be some images of photography (they will all be taken by me) posted on my blog for you guys to see. 

I hope you're looking forward for them and I love you all so much.

Ayshee

xx

The hard days

As a teenager, I have days where I'm more upset than normal. The last 5 days I've felt this. Nothing terribly bad has happened or anything, it's them type of days where you feel that if you drop your pen, you want to break down and cry. 

The problem with me being so stressed, upset and my panic attacks are getting worse, is that I'm pushing everyone away, friends, family, everything. I just feel alone and upset 24/7.

Although I know I have people there, I just want to be alone as well as feeling alone, and it's honestly so hard. 

I wish I could change.

I wish I could think before I speak.

I wish I could be kind to those around me.

I wish I was happy.

On top of all of this, I have my parents at me. The only time they've spoken to me in the past 5 days, are to either have a go at me or ask me to do something for them, and that's annoying. Like, really annoying, and even after doing stuff for them (after they talk to me like rubbish) they tell me I'm selfish and lazy, and instantly, I fight back. I start fighting my battles and sticking up for myself (I never swear at them or insult them in any way, as I think that's wrong), I tell them I'm not selfish, I'm not lazy and I do too much for my age.

I mean, I'm 14 years old and I can't even do my homework because I'm busy doing things for my mum. 

However, even if I'm going through the worst few days, I'm a carer. A Young Carer. I go to groups every week (either on a Wednesday or a Thursday) and although I still sit by myself and keep myself to my myself, I feel comfortable and happy. Even if I'm not saying a word. And going to them groups make me stronger. I sometimes do one on one sessions with a lady (let's call her H) and she gives me advise, and tells me to be strong and believe it will get better, because eventually, I'm sure it will, and I can't wait for it to all be alright again.

I haven't spoken to my parents - properly - for 5 days, I will post when everything is sorted to let you know how long it's been.

My blog is the first place where I feel most comfortable, hence why I posted on here. I honestly don't know if anyone is reading my blog, but if not, I'm not too bothered, because I don't need people to feel sorry for me in order to feel better. I just need to write. But if you are reading my blog, thank you and I love you.

Ayshee

xx

It's almost Autumn time!

I love Autumn and I'm so excited for it to almost be the time of year, where the leaves fall off the trees and a variety of reds, yellows, oranges and browns are scattered across the ground.

I find that Autumn is the perfect and most lovely time for photography and the different colours make it more effective. I will be taking many pictures during the Autumn time and will post the majority of them here, on my blog. 

The only problem with Autumn is that it begins to get cold as it's getting ready for the upcoming winter, and I'm a very cold blooded person. I get cold easy, so therefore enjoy the heat. But besides the fact that the wind will be heavier and full of cold air, it can't stop me from loving the Autumn time. 

I naturally really enjoy wearing scarfs, so that's another thing to look forward to; scarfs and hats.

The best things in Autumn are the things you can hear, feel, see, smell and taste (the 5 senses). In my opinion:

- Hear;

The crunching of the leaves as you stand on them,

The pitter-patter of the more frequent rain,

The movement of trees dancing with the wind,

The quiet cheeping of birds.

- Feel;

The warmth on your neck from (a) scarf(s),

The cold air on your face.

- See;

The colours,

The leafless trees,

Pets and children jumping into leaf towers.

- Smell;

The fresh air,

Bonfires.

- Taste

The smoke in the air,

Nature.

Not only is Autumn just great for photography, videography etc. but a few events are held during the course of September - November. Such as Halloween and Bonfire night. 

Who else loves Autumn and is excited for it? I know I am.

Ayshee

xx

Disney

Since I've been a little girl I've been obsessed with Disney. 

Still to this day, I'm obsessed with it.

I love the songs, the characters, just everything about Disney. 

I love Disney Princesses. When I was little my favourite was Snow White (from Snow White.. Obviously), now my favourite is Belle (from Beauty and Beast).

There's nothing abut Disney that is bad, they are the perfect film.

If you've heard people say "you're never too old for Disney." Trust me, it's true. My parents still watch Disney and enjoy every moment of it.

My top 5 favourite Disney movies:

1) Beauty and the Beast

2) The Little Mermaid

3) The Lion King

4) Pocahontas

5) Aristocats

My top 5 favourite Disney songs:

1) Part of that world - The Little Mermaid 

2) Colours of the Wind - Pocahontas

3) Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast

4) On my way - Brother Bear

5) We are One - The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride

My top 5 Disney characters:

1) Belle - Beauty and the Beast

2) Ariel - The Little Mermaid

3) Kiara&Nala - The Lion King&The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride

4) Pocahontas - Pocahontas 

5) Koda - Brother Bear

What are your favourite movies, songs and characters from Disney?

What do enjoy the most about Disney?

I was listening to some Disney songs on my Spotify, and got the idea of writing the blog. I know it's the most random blog ever, but oh well. Blogs are blogs, post whatever you want, random or serious, it doesn't matter.

Hope you enjoyed the rather, random blog.

Ayshee

xx

Pumpkin

Final pet: Pumpkin

Name of Pet: Pumpkin 

Type of Pet: Hamster 

Breed of Pet: Cream Banded Syrian

Current Age: 1 year

Birthday: 7th January 2014

Day of Adoption: 7th February 2014

Picture of Pet on first day of Adoption:

Other Info:

Pumpkin was very easy to tame. He cooperated really well and loves been handled.

He has never bitten anyone and he is lovely.

He is ginger and white, and has the cutest black eyes.

He loves playing in his ball, and running around on my bed and my floor. He loves his exercise wheel and enjoys chewing his chews. 

He's very hyper and loves trying to see my dogs (but he can't, for safety reasons). He loves sleeping in his blue igloo, and eating his favourite treat; cucumber. 

Pumpkin doesn't drink as much as you'd expect, but he drinks enough. Either way, he gets given 4 small bits of cucumber a day (2 in the morning, 2 at night), and cucumber is a water based vegetables so he gets water in his system anyway. 

Pumpkin suffered from head trauma last year and it made his right eye a lot smaller than his left. His left eye pops out (like it should do) whereas his right eye doesn't, this means he has a high chance of going blind in his right eye.

He has a very big cage which he goes in for summer, but since he's getting old, he could pass away any day soon, so he stays in his small cage, just so if he does go over he rainbow bridge (hamster heaven), he can be comfortable.

Hopefully, he's got a little while yet though. He's an amazing little boy and I love him so so much.

Favourite Picture of you and pet or just the pet:

Date of picture above: 5th April 2014

Bobby

Next pet: Bobby.

Name of Pet: Bobby 

Type of Pet: Dog

Breed of Pet: Jack Russell

Current Age: 1 year

Birthday: 2nd August 2013

Day of Adoption: 6th December 2014

Picture of Pet on first day of Adoption:

Other Info:

Bobby is just as crazy and energetic as his twin brother Pip.

Pip and Bobby were 'reunited' on December 6 2014, and they've gotten on well and stuck together since. 

Bobby finds learning new things very difficult. He was treated very badly before I got him and never taught anything. Bobby was beaten by belts before I managed to get him to move in with my family, but luckily, he's with a loving family who treats him well. 

Bobby has now been living with us for just over 7 months, and I have been training him every day since, and he still hasn't quite got the jist of it. He knows how to sit (but only when food or treats are involved), he doesn't know how to lie down or wait/leave yet, but it's slowly but gradually getting there.

Before Bobbby was taken by me, he wasn't treated the right food, and he was not on the right diet. He was given left over food from owners dinners, rather than dog food, so he had a lot more weight than Pip. He's still bigger than Pip, but he's not over weight

He was very food orientated when he first moved in, but now he's eating the right food diet and is the healthy weight for his age.

He's such a friendly dog and loving to people as well as other animals. He's great.

Favourite Picture of you and pet or just the pet:

Date of picture above: 12th March 2015

Pip

I'm going to do fact files on each of my pets, and I will start with Pip. 

Name of Pet: Pip

Type of Pet: Dog

Breed of Pet: Jack Russell

Current Age: 1 year

Birthday: 2nd August 2013

Day of Adoption: 2nd October 2013

Picture of Pet on first day of Adoption:

Other Info:

Pip is a crazy, energetic, playful, funny, amazing dog. He was a great puppy and is now a great adolescent.

He has always been a quick and easy learner, and found his puppy classes (when he was a puppy... Obviously) very easy. He learned to do simple things such as; sit, lie down and wait/leave, very quickly.

He's quite skinny, but not underweight.

He eats the correct amount of food per day, but seems to not put on as much weight. 

He's healthy, and very friendly.

He's the twin brother of Bobby, and they get on so well.

Favourite Picture of you and pet or just the pet:

Date of picture above: 6th April 2015

Perfect friendship

The majority of teenage girls just argue right? 

One minute they're friends with someone, another minute, they hate each other's guts.

That occurs to me a lot too. I argue all the time with my 'friends'. I don't talk to anyone from primary school anymore as I've argued with all of them, and removed them from my life. 

People who go to my secondary school, I argue with them on a daily basis. And I've definitely lost all of them now, especially with the fact that one of them made my mum cry because he said something very cruel to her.

But I don't need any of those. They aren't worth my time or energy, and if you are treated like rubbish by your 'friends' then find new ones, don't waste your time on people who aren't good enough for you. 

I know it's hard to end friendships, but if it makes you happy, then do it, no matter how difficult it is. 

That's what I had to do yesterday evening, and although I found it super tough, I'm relieved that they aren't part of my life anymore.

However, even though I've lost all of them rubbish friends, I've had one, perfect, amazing bestfriend who has stuck by me for 5 years. I don't regret meeting her and I'm so happy to have never had a major arguement that has ended our friendship. That will never happen, our friendship is too strong.

Her names Jodie, she's my everything.

Not only is she my bestfriend, she's my sister. And I'm sure everyone has a bestfriend who is practically their family, that's Jodie, to me. 

She doesn't judge anyone, she doesnt stereotype, none of that. She's just amazing. She's the most gorgeous girl I know - inside and out - and she's good at everything (in my eyes anyway). She's put up with me for 5 years and I don't understand how :').

Everyone has a perfect friend, don't they, and if you don't, you'll find one very soon, I'm sure.

So as you can see, Jodie is my bestfriend and I'm sure your bestfriends are as amazing to you as she is to me.

Remember, your true friends stick by you, and never leave you, under any circumstances.

Ayshee

xx

This is me and Jodie from 5 years ago, up until last year.

Many blog posts will be up when I spend time with her throughout the summer.

Have an amazing summer everyone.

Everything is turning upside down

Turns out, my blog post earlier wasn't absolutely right.

This evening, I lost every single one of my friends. Out of spite they said some really horrible stuff;

They said I used them, they said I was fake, I was bad at singing (which I found quite funny) and they even tried to turn my all time bestest friend against me.

They brought up what had had happened in the past and told me that it was my own fault that I got bullied and I deserved this.

If anyone ever says this to you, ignore them. No one deserves to get bullied, not even haters. Bullying is something that is extremely hard to deal with, and for someone to say you deserve to get bullied, they are wrong. No one deserves it.

Those who have never been bullied before, you're very lucky human beings. Don't take life for granted. 

Those who bully, stop. It's putting other people's lives at risk.

Bulling can end in horrible situations. People self harm, exclude themselves and worst comes to worst: commit suicide. 

Bully's make people feel bad about themselves and are emotionally and (sometimes) physically abusing people's lives. If people commit suicide or self harm because of their hurtful actions, they have to live with that guilt forever.

I just really advise bully's to stop bullying and victims of bullying to do something about it; tell a teacher, a friend or a family member, trust me it really helps. 

I didn't really know where to go to write this, I don't get much support (especially since school is over and my friends all hate me), so I came to my blog. I know I can be honest, and not have to worry about being judged.

I don't even know if anyone reads my blogs, but if you do, thank you for taking up your time to read this - rather depressing - blog.

Ayshee 

xx

End of Year 9

Today, I finished Year 9.

Year 9 has been one of my hardest years at school. Not because you get extra hard work, you pick your choices for GCSE, or the bitchiness from girls gets larger, but for the first time in my life, I got bullied.

I never thought that being bullied would be as difficult as I experienced. I got bullied twice, by the same girl (I'm not giving out names as that's unfair).

I got emotionally, mentally and physically bullied for a total of 4 months. I know many people would have probably been bullied longer, but that's 4 months of my life, ruined. 

If I didn't have all the amazing friends I've made this year, I would of been screwed. My friends were there for me when I found life most difficult. 

On top of the bullying I'd found out that my baby cousin (who has just turned two) had a tumour, luckily they were able to remove it, but then it turned into cancer (currently she's in America having treatment, as the treatment is unavailable in England). Not only was I being bullied, and thinking about my baby cousin constantly, I also worried about my mum (she has many illnesses, and it's scary to think that she could die whilst I'm at school). Even with all of this on my mind, this year, I learned that I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety (I have been to a doctor to confirm, I don't just assume I have it, but I know I do now).

Due to all of the worrying about my family and my bullying, I had exams.. Important exams, and from all of the stress and panick, I failed them. Although I failed my exams, I'm proud of how far I have come. I've never been a good student; I get distracted easy, and I struggle to stay concerntrated, and I'm so happy of the person I am.

Although it's been hard, I've had my amazing friends and teachers (mainly my head of year) to support me every step of he way, and I'm so grateful to have such great friends and teachers.

If I was to give 5 pieces of advice for year 9, it would be:

1) Work Hard

2) Don't Give Up

3) Revise

4) Don't Panic About Exams or Tests

5) Enjoy It

If anyone is going into year 9 very soon, good luck and have a great time

xx

My YouTube channels

I'd first like to start this post by apologising for not posting in months. I'm going to try and post 3 or 4 times a week from now on.

On with the blog.

I'd really like to share with you my YouTube Channels. I have 3.

My Main Channel: Ayshee

Ayshee is my Main Channel, I post more frequently on this channel more than the other two. 

Currently (on the date of writing this) I only have 29 subscribers and I'd really love more. 

I love recording, editing and uploaded for people entertainment, so doing YouTube is a big part of my daily life.

On Ayshee, I do videos related with hair, beauty and other random things. I do videos with my friends and my sister, and I also do videos that are either requested or I think will be fun. I try to do videos to allow my viewers to get to know me better, and I love recording them.

My Vlogging Channel: AysheeVlogs

AysheeVlogs is my Second Channel. I don't post on it very often as I'm incredibly busy with school work, so I don't have much time to vlog, but as its the 6 weeks holiday in a couple of days, I'm going to try my absolute hardest to daily vlog for the 6 weeks.

I love vlogging a lot, but I just don't have much equipment for vlogging, which makes it harder to do.

I have to record off of my iPad and edit from my iPad, and the best vlogging equipment is probably: 

- a small pocket camera

- a laptop

Laptops are much better editing devices than iPads as you can do so much more on them. 

This is the reason I don't upload every week, but I am trying. 

My Singing Channel: AysheeSings

Finally, AysheeSings is my Third Channel, I (again) very rarely upload videos on this channel, as I don't have a ton of time to record singing videos.

Singing is probably the best thing I'm good at, and I'm not even amazing at it. I really enjoy singing and I never get the opportunity to sing solos at school concerts as my stage fright gets the better of me or my teachers basically tell me, I'm not good enough (which definitely helps my self esteem.. NOT). 

The only way I feel confident about performing in front of people, is by uploading videos as I don't actually have to look at people whilst singing, I just have to sing to the camera.

So, I'd really love it, if anyone reading this (if anyone is) would check out my channels and let me know what they think I can do to improve on and what they liked in the comments. 

Remember, I will try and blog more frequently, so keep and eye out.

xx

Book review: Girl Online by Zoe Sugg aka Zoella.

Some of you might not be too interested in reviews or books, but I really wanted to review this book today.

The book I'm reviewing is: Girl Online by Zoella. 

I've read the book once, and I'm reading it again as I love it. Zoella made the book: interesting, funny, exciting, and at some points it made me want to cry. I'm not going to give anything away as you might want to read it. But the thing that got me all excited was the blurb. I will write the blurb as you will probably read the blurb before you actually read the book. The blurb reads:

Penny has a secret.

Under the alias Girl Online, Penny blogs her hidden feelings about friendship, boys, her crazy family and the panic attacks that have begun to take over her life. When things go for, bad to worse, her family whisks her away to New York, where she meets Noah: a gorgeous, guitar-strumming American. Suddenly Penny is falling in love - and capturing every moment of it on her blog.

But Noah has a secret too. One that threatens to ruin Penny's cover - and her closest friendship - forever.

I mean, let's be honest, the blurb makes you want to read it straight away, and that's what I find so great about a book. I think the thing that is most effective about Zoe's book, is that she describes everything and it makes you feel like you're actually there, as if you're Penny (the main character). 

The other thing I love is that it's written in a first person perspective, it just makes you feel more part of the book. 

The book also creates so much imagery, that it just makes you want to carry on, and the drama in Penny's life, adds extra effect to the whole thing.

The things that happen to Penny in the book, could actually happen in real life, and I think the whole realistic thing about the book, was incredibly written. 

Although Zoe's videos and blogs are great, her book is just as great. Her skills in writing novels clearly proves that she can do other things, and I think that should be respected and noticed.

If I had to describe her book in one word, it would be: gratifying (if you dont know what gratifying means, it's basically another word for really really good).

I hope you enjoyed my book review on Zoella's book, and if you don't have it, or you haven't read it already, I really suggest you do as it's such an amazing book, and you get all sorts of emotions throughout the book. The best bit is, is that not only do I love her book, but I genuinely love Zoe. She's such a lovely person (as seen from her videos), and one day I'd love to meet her.

xx

My future

Although I am 13 years old, I feel as if I've got my whole life sorted out already.
I'm one of those people who love planning things, because then (usually) it all works out well, and I really hope that my lifestyle dreams work out well.

So in today's vlog, I wanted to share with you my plans for the future, for when I leave college.

First, I'm obviously going to leave college, but when I'm 17, I wanted to start my driving lessons, as I'm determined to drive as quick as possible. Hopefully I will have passed my driving test by the age of 18, and for my 18th birthday, I'd love a car. The car I want is: a Volkswagen Golf, in a dark grey colour. I'm not too sure why, I just love the car.

When I've passed my driving test and I've got a car, I want to move out. I will always stay in contact with my family, as they mean the absolute world to me. This is why I wanted a car first, so then I can travel to see them.
I don't want to just move out, and stay in the town I live in now, I want to move to Brighton. Ever since I've been little, I've always wanted to move to Brighton, because I love the sea, and it's such a beautiful place. Also my godfathers (they're gay, but I love them so much) live in Brighton, and I think it would be great living near them, especially as I spent (and still spending) the majority of my childhood living far away from them.

When I get to Brighton, I want to be living in a flat by myself, once I get settled in, I obviously need a job, right?! Well, the job I really want is a chef, and if I don't make it as a chef, I want to work from home.
One day I hope to find a boyfriend, who I will be extremely happy with, and eventually move in with them (in a house, rather than a flat) and then once we have been living together for a few months, I'd love to get a Jack Russell puppy, male.
No matter what happens, I will always continue my YouTube channels. For those who don't know my YouTube channels they are: Ayshee. This channel is random. I make: vlogs, hair&makeup tutorial, DIY videos, hauls etc.
My other channel is: AysheeVlogs. This channel is literally vlogs.

So that's my plan of the future, and I really hope it comes true.
Sorry for the incredibly long post, but I hope you enjoyed reading it.

xx

Sorry I haven't posted xx

Hi guys, so first I'd like to apologise for not posting in ages, that's because I've recently moved house and haven't had interent. But I now do. Yayyy.
So now... The actual post:

As you know, I've recently moved house. I've finally finished sorting out my new room and it's been so stressful. But because I wanted to finish it so badly, I just got on with it. But whilst I was cleaning my room (this was a couple of days ago), I found a ton of pictures of my passed dogs; Spicky and Tilly. They both passed away 2 and 3 years ago, and I'm still grieving.
Although I love Pip and Bobby (my current dogs) and Pumpkin (my hamster), and I know it's okay and normal to still grieve over the loss of a loved pet, I don't think I'll ever recover from the loss of my dogs.
I really don't mean to sound so silly and depressing, but I felt as if the only place I could write about it, is here, on my blog. I would start a diary, but they are so boring and I always seem to forget. Besides in a diary, I can't share my feelings with you guys.

Also, not only did I miss my dogs like crazy, but I think I over thought the whole situation a little too much, as I started getting all panicky and upset. I just remember crying and feeling trapped, as if I couldnt breathe.
It really freaked me out, I don't think I've ever felt so scared and panicked in my whole life. But yesterday, I also had another one of these moments, and I still have no idea what it is.

I'd really appreciate it if someone would help me out by letting me know if they've felt this way before, and how they solved it.
Although no one might be reading this, but if you are, I'd love to hear from you.
Let me know in the comments❤️

Ayshee

xx

New Make-Up

New Make-Up

This is my new make up kit. I recently brought it and I love it so much.

I'm not sure how much it cost, but I think it cost around £8, so it's a bargain. I brought it from Superdrug (it was on sale where I live), and it's so nice.

Things included:

Pink Lipgloss

Mascara

Moody Blues Eyeshadow 

Gorgeous Golds Eyeshadow 

Blusher

Bronzer 

Foundation Tube (small)

Blusher Brush

Small Eyeshadow foam brushed x2

They all look really pretty and in perfect condition (but usually everything is in Superdrug), and I can't wait to use it.

xx